As I am sure everyone is aware, Daven’s snail pace development has been a sour topic for me over the past few months. I was talking with my Auntie Al (who has been a total life saver over the past year!) about how hard it is not to be consumed by the fact that Daven is behind almost every Williams Syndrome child I know.
I was once again questioning everything from being a working mom, to how many therapy sessions he gets a week, to wondering if his scoliosis issues have something to do with the delay. As I was crying to her, she said something so profound that it has stuck with me. She stopped me and said, “Aspen, you love him first, and work him second.” Everything else just suddenly made sense to me.
She is absolutely right, as long as I love him with every fiber in my body first and foremost; all the doctors appointments, therapy sessions, milestones, and fears suddenly fade away. They fall a distance second to the smiles and giggles he gives me on a daily basis. That should be all the affirmation I long after.
As I read about all my other WS babes, I am reminded how amazing these children are. They truly have such a charm and charisma that can’t be beat by any other “normal” child. Seeing the sparkle in their eyes (literally the called “starburst” iris pattern) and the big mouthy grins…is simply a magical experience.
In my dreams last night, I dreamed that Daven suddenly started drinking from a straw (oddly enough) and then looked up at me and said “I a big boy now!” Even seeing his face and hearing his words through my dreams, I felt a sense of calm. I woke up today knowing that someday I will hear Momma, I love you, more food please (HA!), and so many other words. Until that day, I will settle for hearing his voice through my dreams.
LOVE LOVE LOVE
I was once again questioning everything from being a working mom, to how many therapy sessions he gets a week, to wondering if his scoliosis issues have something to do with the delay. As I was crying to her, she said something so profound that it has stuck with me. She stopped me and said, “Aspen, you love him first, and work him second.” Everything else just suddenly made sense to me.
She is absolutely right, as long as I love him with every fiber in my body first and foremost; all the doctors appointments, therapy sessions, milestones, and fears suddenly fade away. They fall a distance second to the smiles and giggles he gives me on a daily basis. That should be all the affirmation I long after.
As I read about all my other WS babes, I am reminded how amazing these children are. They truly have such a charm and charisma that can’t be beat by any other “normal” child. Seeing the sparkle in their eyes (literally the called “starburst” iris pattern) and the big mouthy grins…is simply a magical experience.In my dreams last night, I dreamed that Daven suddenly started drinking from a straw (oddly enough) and then looked up at me and said “I a big boy now!” Even seeing his face and hearing his words through my dreams, I felt a sense of calm. I woke up today knowing that someday I will hear Momma, I love you, more food please (HA!), and so many other words. Until that day, I will settle for hearing his voice through my dreams.
LOVE LOVE LOVE
7 Responses to “Love him first, Work him second”
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About me
- I'm Aspen
- From Clovis, New Mexico, United States
- Happily married to Logan for 5 years. We have a precious son Daven Tate who was diagnosed with Williams Syndrome (a genetic disorder)at 11 months old. What a joy it will be to watch him grow. Daven just turned TWO!
- My profile
What a wise woman she is! And what a wonderful mother you are. No one could do what you do for Daven, don't ever question that.
I think all the time how Brady is behind the other WS kids too... still waiting for that smile! But then I see he is getting bigger, or he watches his big brother... and I realize he is changing but not where I'd like him to be. There goes those expectations! Out the window! There will come a time that he will be non-stop chatting and I will probably grumble to myself, "Why did I wish for this??" (and I say that because I have that feeling with my 8-year-old many times! :) )
You are such a fabulous person and it shows how great of a mom you are by just what you write on here. LOVE LOVE LVOE right back at ya!
Oh my goodness - that was just the absolute cutest photo of Daven I have seen yet!!
Don't worry, Aspen, Clare is light-years away from anything, too!!!
Your Aunt sounds like such a amazing lady. It must run in your family :)
Oh wow...I used to have those dreams! My heart ached when I read that. I used to dream Erik was walking and would wake up so sad. Guess what? He is walking now "for reals" after all of that dreaming. It will happen. Oh sure, he crashes into everything and I tell people he has had too many Long Islands, but he is walking, dangit!!!!!
Of course you love him...but I know well what you are going through anyway.
I love you, girlie. Hang in there.
Nance
I love this photo of Daven, he became a big boy, not a baby yet!!!
Don't worry about milestones, I think it is not so important in our situation, the main thing is all of us to be happy, but sometimes it is so hard...
I said a few days ago that if Daven could stood up alone once, he can walk soon, everything will be faster after the standing up :))) I am very impatient, too :DDDD
Hey, looks like you might make me famous! My name (sort of) in lights (or dots as it seems on your website!)
Thanks for the sweet comments, I think of you every single day!
Love you!
Auntie Al
I want an "Auntie Al"!! I lost my two special aunts in the last couple of years. I sure miss their sense of humor and good advice.
Daven is a little doll! Shawn (Clare's daddy)said once that Clare's delays meant that he could keep her a baby longer. (Sorry, not an exact quote) I really loved that post, and I say Shawn's words to myself often. "Normal" kids shed their infancy way too soon. We just get to enjoy our kids' longer!