Now that I am officially free from Jury Duty…I have nothing to say. Oddly enough, sitting quietly for five straight days has left me speechless. I am thinking it is more related to the fact that I am simply so overwhelmed that I don’t know what to do, say or where to even begin. My desk is piled high with work that has been waiting for my return, my house is overflowing with laundry that I haven’t seem take care of all week long, and my brain is working so fast and running a million miles an hour that I can’t seem to stay focused on anything.

Once I get a bit more settled and relaxed I will update with new pictures and possibly even a big new surprise! So, maybe that will tease you just enough to keep on comin back. I HAVE MISSED YOU!

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Being out of touch for so long now, has left me with a serious case of writers block. The snow is finally starting to melt away, however still pilled up in front of my house. I was excused from work for two full days which meant a nice long four day weekend! As soon as I returned to work, I was summoned for Jury Duty again. And I have been there ever since. I cannot tell you anything about the trial yet, I can only say that I feel so out of sorts! The trial is expected to last another three days. Then I vow to stay on top of Daven’s blog and get back to posting regularly.

I did want to tell you that I miss you all and I am trying my hardest to read all that I can in the little time that I have. You and this blog are my sense of reality and comfort. Just as Nancy mentioned, the feeling of isolation has been haunting me for over a week now. My connection to you and your children turn that loneliness into companionship.

A few updates on Daven. He is now giving “High 5’s,” putting things “in” all the time, slowly eating a little more (applesauce, papaya, mixed berries and such), and is pulling up to stand all the time. Once we get the standing position down, I hope that walking will be close behind! Though, however, still a ways away.

I will be in touch soon. I love and miss you all.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

We have been hit hard this weekend with snow! I will make an uneducated guess and say we have almost accumulated 12 inches of snow. Yes, there is a blanket of snow outside and we are snuggled under a blanket inside!

I do love this time of year when it is so cold and the snow is so beautiful! I love to stand by the nice warm fire and get that warm fuzzy feeling all over! However, I am so over it this year.

You may or may not know that New Mexico isn’t known for all its snow. Yes we get our fair share usually to help fund the ski resorts, but Clovis NM isn’t one of those places. Snow tends to shut down this area for a few days because we simply don’t know how to manage driving in this stuff!

I have threatened to throw Daven out in the snow to see what he thinks about it. It would be a great photo op. But I inevitably stop myself thinking that it isn’t worth the risk of him getting sick. We did indulge in a small batch of homemade ice cream. It was quite tasty! But that is as far as we got in snow celebration mode. Not even as much as a snow ball fight.

Who knows, I am sure this foot of snow plans on hanging out for a few days. I suppose there is still plenty of time for snow ball fights and maybe even a snowman.

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With the help of Daven’s therapist we have been working on “IN” for almost 2 months now. After we were held up in our house all weekend long due to a major ice storm, Daven finally got it. He was putting balls “in” a toy all weekend long! After the balls would end up getting thrown out, he would chase them down and carry them back to put them “in” his toy! Once he has lost all the balls, he starts throwing all kinds of things “in.” Paci, other small toys, remote...etc.

It was so fun watching him all weekend. I never once prompted him, I never once helped him…he simply did it all on his own. Like everything else with Daven, once he “gets” something…he gets it and runs with it. It is like he has an AH-HA moment about once every 5 or 6 months. We can work and work but until he actually gets it, it seems like all is lost. All the hard work, all the therapy session only to see no change. And then, suddenly we have a weekend like this. When he just does it all on his own.

Here he is with his toy that is so annoyingly loud that I had to cover the speakers with some duck tape. (It helped muffle the sound a little at least.) Daven and Luke are having so much fun. How is it that children always have a way of loving the most irritating toy?

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I have been told a time or two that Logan and I are “towers of strength.” While not sure I totally agree with that statement, (hence a few minor melt downs last week!) I do think that we are handling things as best as we know how. We obviously couldn’t do it without some MAJOR support from family, friends, and our faith in God.

Last week was a long hard week for me. It was almost as though things regarding Daven and his limitations were haunting me. I couldn’t seem to get away no matter how hard I tried. By the end of the week, I just wanted to run as far away from my life as possible. But, I managed to carry on and survive yet another week. The point I am trying to make is that I don’t survive times like last week without so much support from my family.

GranZ and PapaT, you are my rock! Thank you for loving Logan, Daven and I the way you do. Your willingness to do any and everything we need is un-matched. It is because of you that we continue to survive day to day. There will are no ways to repay you for what you have done over the past two years for Logan and I. Perhaps Daven’s extra hugs and kisses is enough.

To the rest of my family…you will forever be in my heart for the love and compassion you have shown. Daven is lucky to be loved by so many. It makes my heart feel heavy when I think of other special needs children that don’t have half the amount of love that Daven is shown on a daily basis. So, thank you. Thank you to all of you for your support and love.

For those of you out there who are the support system for others…Thank you as well. The love you give to these children will be given back to you ten fold!

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Yesterday was a full day of emotions, long waits, and deliberation. I was, for the first time on this panel, chosen to sit on a jury for a one day trial. Oddly enough, I love sitting on a jury. I love watching the ins and outs of the court, the process that goes into finding evidence and deliberating guilty or not guilty. Yesterday, however, wasn’t the best experience I have had as a jury panel member.

This particular case was an “Aggravated Assault with a Deadly weapon.” However, the victim was a special needs person. The odds of ME getting this particular trial have to be slim to none. But there I was, face to face with a reality that I was not ready to participate in. Not mentioning anything about a special needs victim in the jury selection process, I had no idea what I was just thrown into. Out of nowhere the State attorney presented to the jury that we needed to understand the victim was a special needs person and may or may not have a hard time answering questions throughout the day…the world stopped around me. My palms started to get sweaty, my heart was racing like I had just run a marathon, my face turned red, and I was smack dab in the center of the jury box with nowhere to run.

In the back of my mind I just kept thinking, I must be dreaming right? This is all a dream? How could I be the one stuck in the middle of a trial including a special needs person? Once the victim finally took his seat in the witness box, I tried to force myself not to be bias and do the job I was called to do. We listened to his testimony and a few others including an officer.

Joe (we will call him Joe) lives on his own and works to pay for rent and bills. He met “defendant” (not even worth giving a name) and became friends with him. Joe eventually invited the defendant to rent a bedroom from his house. Joe does not understand bank accounts and money, so he had been giving the defendant cash to pay his utility bills while he was at work. After four months of not paying rent and taking Joe’s money that was supposed to pay the utility bills…Joe confronted him. The defendant then blew his top and went to his room to get a gun. He then pulled a sawed off shotgun on Joe saying that he was going to shoot him.

Joe then left his own home called his boss who then took him straight to the DA’s office to file a report. This is the shortened version.

Once the entire jury went back for deliberations I found myself wanting to jump up and speak my voice. I thought the defendant was trash and deserved to be put away for life for trying to take advantage of this poor man! However, I contained my rage and kept quiet, anxious to see what everyone else thought about the case. Inevitably the jury found the defendant GUILTY! While, still a long hard exhausting day...I almost felt relieved.

I also wanted to say a short THANKS for everyone’s nice comments. This week for no concrete reason, has just been a hard week. They have gotten farther and farther apart…but I do still have bad days. Your comments and sweet notes were all instant pickmeups! I love each and every one of you in different ways. Thanks for your support and comfort.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

As much has Daven has grown over the past few months, he is still terribly behind in every aspect of development. He isn’t standing independently. He isn’t even close to walking. Words won’t be coming anytime soon. Potty training hasn’t even been in my scope of thinking yet. And don’t even get me started on eating. The more I have thought about this the more melancholy I feel. He is slowly getting farther and farther behind. I try not to think about it day in and day out…but the more I watch other children grow and thrive, the more aware of it I am.

Will we be stuck in Babyland forever? Will Daven forever wake up two and three times at night to take a bottle? Will I always be trying to communicate with my child by using the sounds of cries instead of words? Will I be feeding my child out of a bottle until he grows out of that and into a G-tube? I know I know, maybe I am exaggerating a tad…but I have to be honest with myself. We aren’t getting anywhere fast! Granted, nothing with WS has been a fast process. I do understand this. However, others seem to be growing and making progress in spite of WS. But Daven…just isn’t.

Indulge me a minute to vent. I am starting to take all of this personal. Are other babies thriving because the parenting is better? Am I the common denominator here? I do work with him and I do feel that Daven is a happy boy…however, happiness isn’t going to get us very far when it comes to growth and maturity. Am I really a good mother?

Logan and I had a date last night. It was so great to spend some one on one time with him. The night was perfect and then…we had the conversation. The “are we ready for a second baby” conversation. I could feel my body tense up and tears immediately started to fall. I am honestly panic stricken about baby number two. I trust that God will give us a perfectly beautiful child. And I don’t have fears (well not too many at least) of having a second special needs child. My fear is that I, as a mother, won’t do a fantastic job. I could manage and do “okay,” but by no means will I be as amazing as the mothers I have seen. The examples of “mommy-hood” that I see on a daily basis leaves me in awe. I fear I will never be that mom. And that is what scares me.

“I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.”

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Finally I get to Daven’s birthday party. Like I said before, we had an amazing birthday party for Daven’s second birthday. I still can’t believe that my little man is now officially 2. I truly believe that he knew that Thursday, December 28 was his day. He loved being the center of attention and opening still more gifts. He is such a lucky little boy to be loved by so many.

He received gifts like an Elmo chair that vibrates and giggles, books, a walk n’ ride car, spin and pop table (have to admit this is the most annoying toy of them all! Thanks Kristen and Uncle T), and a very special TMX Elmo from Monga. And so much more! He looked over and played with every single gift.

After fretting parties like this for at least a month long, it was nice to finally have it over with and be so happy with the final result. Daven was GREAT, the cake was perfect, the guests were all amazing, and the toys yes…were toys. Each annoying in their own special way.

The party was complete with cake, confetti, balloons, noise makers (which he hated by the way, can scratch that off for next years party.), and a juggler. Well, not an official circus clown, my Cousin Christian did excite Daven with his amazing juggle act. Each guest was given a set of beads to wear because of Daven’s LOVE for beads. This was our secret ploy to get Daven to love on each and every body in the room!

I wish you were all there to join in the fun with us. Maybe next year he can have a few of his WS buddies to join in the party with us. Oh what a dream come true that would be! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVEN! May your next year be as fun and exciting as this year. We love you.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Starting where I left off…

As soon as we had packed the car so tight that we barely had room for Daven, we headed home from Oklahoma. While on the five hour drive home, I couldn’t help but miss the Marshall family already. However, I was so anxious to make it to Portales to see Autumn and the rest of my family that I couldn’t sit still! When we finally pulled in to Clovis, we dumped all the packages and gifts out of the car only to fill it up with the packages that needed to be delivered in Portales. (are you confused yet?) Then we headed towards Portales. I finally got to see my brothers, my sister, my sister-in-law, my nieces, and so many aunts and uncles and cousins…TOO many to mention!

We immediately started preparing for our Christmas Eve festivities. Keep in mind, we planed for 30 to participate in our Christmas Eve festivities revolving around our 1950’s theme. Festivities include singing carols, Chinese gift exchange, Elvis impersonation contest, hula hoop contest…and so much more. We had an amazing evening with so much laughter that tears were streaming down my face. You will see in the pictures a few examples of our Elvis impersonation contest. First is PapaT showing off his lip singing skills and second is Ponga and Monga (my grandparents) as Elvis and his “smoking hot momma” singing I’ll have a blue Christmas…Ah, the memories! You just thought you would get away without these pictures being published. HA! I owe it to myself to share this amazing experience with the rest of the world!

Daven’s favorite part of the entire evening was the singing. The look on his face when all 30 of us belted out Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer and Silent Night was priceless. He was in awe. After that, however, he was not feeling so well. We rocked and bounced and walked…all night long simply trying to keep him calm. Traveling, strange faces, and too much commotion had finally taken its toll on him. He needed a break. I anticipate many more Christmas’s like this. Daven simply does not do well in situations such as this. Don’t get me wrong, he LOVES my family and loves being the center of attention…which he is. He just gets so overwhelmed so quickly. I hope things will get better as time goes on.

After the fun and games we each claimed a section on the floor to crash, grabbed a chair at the table to play poker, or ran to a local gas station for a quick midnight snack. And we all settled in for a long winters nap. (Or a long night sleeping on the floor!)

After we celebrated our Christmas morning with so many packages and ripped wrapping paper that made a mountain in the middle of the floor, we looked over all our gifts and exciting treasures again. Once again, we were blessed with such a generous family. Daven had calmed down a bit enough to play with a few toys, we all ate Monga’s amazing cinnamon rolls (we wait all year for those!), and slowly one by one found an empty shower to revive us again from a long night.

Once we finally sat down to eat a fantastic Christmas dinner I looked around at my family and knew there was no other place I would rather be. Little did I know that I would get to spend lots of time with my family. You see, a winter storm blanketed most of New Mexico and Colorado with snow. This meant that most of my family would be snowed in for an extra 4 days! We played poker, stayed up way too late, and laughed so much that it made me sick. I still haven’t recovered from my head cold and now it is making its way to Daven. Too much fun and lack of sleep gets me every time!

Okay, I have officially said way too much! I will save Daven’s birthday party for yet another post.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

By the way, the beautiful woman holding Daven…is my Auntie Alowetta that I have mentioned before. One of the smartest people I know!

Where do I even begin? After being away from you all for so long now, I feel as though I have to start all over. We had an amazing time off for Christmas (twice over), Daven’s birthday (twice over), and a New Year. So many stories to tell, so many pictures to show off, and reflective thoughts are pouring into my mind so fast that I don’t even know how to compile them all into one post.

I supposed I can start at the beginning. We spent almost a week before Christmas with Logan’s family in Oklahoma. We had an amazing time. Like I said before, it is so nice just to get away from it all for a while. Enjoy some true quality time with the family. We played cards until the wee hours of the mourning, ate until our pants didn’t fit any longer, and laughed until our faces hurt.

Amongst the traveling, full house of company, and lack of routine…Daven was amazing. He played with all of GrandMama’s goodies around the house and gave so many hugs and kisses to everyone that was willing to accept them. When Cousin Luke finally arrived, he really jumped into action. He knew present time was coming fast! On Christmas Eve, we allowed the boys to open all of their gifts except Santa’s gifts. (He obviously hadn’t arrived yet! It was only Christmas Eve.) Both Daven and Luke dove into their packages and opened until they were exhausted. They naturally wanted what each other had. Even when the same exact toy was given. Neither one wanted it unless the other had it. HA!

The next morning we all jumped in and opened packages from Santa. Wow, he gets better and better every year. Just when we thought the festivity of opening packages was done, we learned that a birthday party for Daven was in the wings. WOW! You men to tell me there are more presents and toys for this boy?

Sure enough, it was a birthday party made for Daven. Complete with Elmo decorations, party hats, and yes more toys. The best part about the party was Daven’s birthday cake. The entire week Daven wouldn’t seem to eat anything other than Cheerios. (Except for the one jar of “Hawaiian Delight” that turned out having milk. Threw it up for the rest of the night, it wasn’t pretty!) So, his GrandMama wanted to give him a cake he could 1) eat and 2) LOVE! An entire Cheerio cake. It was fantastic and you can see how Daven LOVED it.

We had an amazing time and hated to leave. Thank you Marshall’s for an amazing Christmas! We are so lucky to be loved by such an amazing family. We love you more than you will ever know.

Sorry for my rambling thoughts, but again…I just have so much to say and tell that I don’t even know where to start and where to end.

Part II tomorrow.

LOVE LOVE LOVE