Today, rumors at work started rustling around about a fellow co-worker of mine that is pregnant with her third child. At a routine scheduled doctors appointment today, they were given the devastating blow from the doctor that they baby has Downs Syndrome.
This news gives me a pit in my stomach. It brings back every raw emotion I have ever felt with Daven. The words; diagnosis, specialist, mental retardation, genetic, syndrome, doctors, testing…are all flying in and out of my brain. I try to think to myself, when I was in that situation, did I want somebody to come talk to me and try and comfort me? Should I go to her and say something? Should I pretend to not know anything? If I do go and try to offer support, what do I say? My words are all so insignificant. What if the doctors are wrong and the baby is perfectly normal?
I want to help in every way possible, but I don’t want to smother her with words that all seem so irrelevant. Please God, guide me in the direction I need to me. Help me say the words that will give comfort and support in a very needy time. Be with my friend as they are dealing with this heartache and watch over this precious baby tiny.
LOVE LOVE LOVE
This news gives me a pit in my stomach. It brings back every raw emotion I have ever felt with Daven. The words; diagnosis, specialist, mental retardation, genetic, syndrome, doctors, testing…are all flying in and out of my brain. I try to think to myself, when I was in that situation, did I want somebody to come talk to me and try and comfort me? Should I go to her and say something? Should I pretend to not know anything? If I do go and try to offer support, what do I say? My words are all so insignificant. What if the doctors are wrong and the baby is perfectly normal?
I want to help in every way possible, but I don’t want to smother her with words that all seem so irrelevant. Please God, guide me in the direction I need to me. Help me say the words that will give comfort and support in a very needy time. Be with my friend as they are dealing with this heartache and watch over this precious baby tiny.
LOVE LOVE LOVE
6 Responses to “Words to say?”
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About me
- I'm Aspen
- From Clovis, New Mexico, United States
- Happily married to Logan for 5 years. We have a precious son Daven Tate who was diagnosed with Williams Syndrome (a genetic disorder)at 11 months old. What a joy it will be to watch him grow. Daven just turned TWO!
- My profile
Wow that God guy is forever sending challenges eh. Tell her you have a blog if she wants to read it. That is a go way of letting her know you are here for her if you do not want to come right out nd say it. Then again you may just want to talk to her? Put yourself in her shoes she may really need you right now. I'll pray for ya :)
I love you a bunch,
Lisa
If you feel comfortable, you can just tell her you heard about the baby's recent diagnosis. If she ever wants to talk, you have a son with a genetic syndrome. Then let her decide what she is going to do with that.
One of the times we were in the hospital, we saw a 3-year old boy waiting for a heart cath. We were all in the playroom together (Clare was waiting for her cath to start as well). We knew instantly that he had WS. Shawn was brave enough to ask his parents about it. They were shocked and said that their son was actually being tested for that currently, but they didn't have the results yet. They did not know anything about WS, but didn't seem to want to know either. After sharing a tiny bit about Clare, we realized that these parents were in denial. To us, it was obvious that their son had WS - the same heart defects, loose-limbed, didn't talk, and those adorable facial features. But to them, they weren't at the stage to accept it and deal with it. I think seeing us was a smack in the face to them - a reality check. So we let it go, smiled, and told them good luck on their son's procedure. It was not our place to make these parents accept it. I am glad Shawn said something, though, because in the future, maybe those parents will remember us and the joy we found in Clare and think that maybe it's not so bad.
Sorry for the long comment!
I'll pray that the right words come to you.
There is no good advice I can give you. I kind of suck in the advice department in general, unfortunately.
If it was me, I might slip her a card with just a few words in it --Teresa seemed to say it better than I can.
I am hoping those docs are wrong.
Love always,
Nance
There's no good words to tell her, I think.. After the baby's born, if he/she is healthy everything is OK, but if not, that'll be the perfect time to telling her more...
I hope the docs are wrong!
Last week I was in a shoe-shop with Szabi, there were a family, too, and I am sure that his approx. 4 yrs old son has some kind of syndrome, too. I wish I could talk to them ,but I did't do anything just was friendly to them. Then I sneezed and the little boy said to me: bless you! His mom said that he rarely speaks and while she said this, her smile was shy and full of apology... How could I tell her,that I am in the same situation? They looked only a happy mom with a healthy child in me. I didn't find the right words to get in touch with them :( So Szabi clapped his left hand into the dad's hand while we were leaving, and that's all...
Sorry that I was long...
Love, Kati
I so want to run up to other parents I see at the market when it is apparent the child has a syndrome or birth defect and give the little one a hug and just gab with the parents. I feel a kinship, but do they? I always smile, and give them a chance to talk with Avery when possible. I want to be more forward, but I am not always sure how the parents would respond. I want them to know I can see the miracle in front of me, but don’t want to appear rude and insulting by appearing like a nosey ninny.
In your position, I would gently let them know that your child has a genetic disorder and you are available to answer any questions. If you recall, there is a lot of grieving and denial that happens early on, so support and kindness, as well as space, is a gift you can give them.
Hello, my name is Ashly and I'm the friend that Aspen was talking about. I just want to thank you all for encouraging and praying for Aspen as she thought of the ways she was going to approach me. I would have been a little apprehensive as well, but she was absolutely wonderful! She has really been a blessing to me. We've worked together for a couple of years now and we are always "friendly" to one another on campus, but we never really talked. I really hate the situation that has brought me such a good friend, but I feel so blessed. I know that you all have been in my position before and know the emotional roller coaster that I'm on right now, but my encouragement to you all is that as you continue to see new parents going through this, don't be afraid to make the decision to share an encouraging word. That's what God calls us to do - make the effort and he'll provide the words. It may not always be accepted in the manner that you anticipate, but most of the time it will bring tremendous comfort to someone in need. I'm so glad that Aspen came to me. She has provided so much information. I really didn't know where to begin (I'm still trying to find out), but she really helped answer a lot of questions that I had. Most of all - seeing her strength has helped me to see that it is possible to be strong in this kind of situation. I continue to have moments of such weakness - "how am I going to be able to do this?" But now I'll try to remind myself of Aspen. Thanks again to you all! God bless all of you and your families.
Please, Please, Please, keep my family in your prayers.