I have felt it coming for almost a week now. It has been a while since I had one last and knew that I was due. Yes, I had one of so many melt downs last night. I spent the evening with Micah and Luke; I was using her for her DVR and its recording of Grey’s Anatomy. The evening was smashing. Great dinner, great girl talk, great loves from Luke, and a perfectly fantastic show. I left feeling happy and satisfied.
This particular cry-fest didn’t hit me until I got home. Logan and Daven were both fast asleep in the recliner. I should have taken a picture, but I couldn’t seem to move. How could such a beautiful site, make me feel so sad? After I picked Daven up and curled him in my arms my melt down started to surface. I slowly put him in bed, kissed him goodnight, and walked back to Logan with tear filled eyes.
WHAM, there it was. No time to try and push it away. I simply sat and cried with Logan for almost an hour. I had watched Luke all evening cling to his momma and when I got home I observed (like so many times before) Daven hadn’t even noticed I was gone.
Other moms of Williams Syndrome children may have felt this before, when your child seems to have no care or concern if the “mom” is around or not. Logan tried to point out to me that Daven is just learning to communicate with us and show his emotions. I can even get a smile out of him when I pick him up after work, but only once in a blue moon. There just simply seems to be no connection between Daven and “his momma.” There are so many heartaches that come with a WS diagnosis, but for me…this seems to be one of the hardest for me to swallow. I know deep down inside Daven knows who I am and thrives to be by my side, he just doesn’t know how to express it yet.
After I filled a box of Kleenex with my tears, I started to feel my anxiety fade away. Something about a good cry always seems to give me a new burst of energy. I think EVERY woman can agree with me. A good cry always seems to help.
My series of melt downs are farther and farther apart now. However, I do expect to have a few good cries every so often.
The weekend has finally arrived! Get out and enjoy it.
LOVE LOVE LOVE
This particular cry-fest didn’t hit me until I got home. Logan and Daven were both fast asleep in the recliner. I should have taken a picture, but I couldn’t seem to move. How could such a beautiful site, make me feel so sad? After I picked Daven up and curled him in my arms my melt down started to surface. I slowly put him in bed, kissed him goodnight, and walked back to Logan with tear filled eyes.
WHAM, there it was. No time to try and push it away. I simply sat and cried with Logan for almost an hour. I had watched Luke all evening cling to his momma and when I got home I observed (like so many times before) Daven hadn’t even noticed I was gone.Other moms of Williams Syndrome children may have felt this before, when your child seems to have no care or concern if the “mom” is around or not. Logan tried to point out to me that Daven is just learning to communicate with us and show his emotions. I can even get a smile out of him when I pick him up after work, but only once in a blue moon. There just simply seems to be no connection between Daven and “his momma.” There are so many heartaches that come with a WS diagnosis, but for me…this seems to be one of the hardest for me to swallow. I know deep down inside Daven knows who I am and thrives to be by my side, he just doesn’t know how to express it yet.
After I filled a box of Kleenex with my tears, I started to feel my anxiety fade away. Something about a good cry always seems to give me a new burst of energy. I think EVERY woman can agree with me. A good cry always seems to help.
My series of melt downs are farther and farther apart now. However, I do expect to have a few good cries every so often.
The weekend has finally arrived! Get out and enjoy it.
LOVE LOVE LOVE
8 Responses to “The Mother's Connection”
Leave a Reply
About me
- I'm Aspen
- From Clovis, New Mexico, United States
- Happily married to Logan for 5 years. We have a precious son Daven Tate who was diagnosed with Williams Syndrome (a genetic disorder)at 11 months old. What a joy it will be to watch him grow. Daven just turned TWO!
- My profile
Oh, honey, you deserve a good cry!
Dang it all, it hurts when you make those inevitable comparisons to other children. Ava sometimes is so "lost in space" that it seems like she doesn't have any connection to any of us. None of us really talks about it much, but she is obviously not as "connected" as other babies. And sometimes that is hard to accept, isn't it? So, I guess, have your good cry and know that the rest of us understand your pain. Take care.
I always say how much easier it is to leave Tatum then it ever was to leave Emma and it is stillthat way Em well Fuss and it does not even phase Tatum... It may hurt now but at some point it well so nice to not have a clingy baby... He is going to start growing up so fast and clingy or not right now I can assure you he is always going to need/want/love his momma... I love is momma too :)
Girlfriend, I hear you! Erik is just starting to smile at me when I pick him up at group but doesn't do it every time and rarely runs to me. I am seeing a change, though, slowly but surely.
Okay, here's my theory: They are disconnected now, but as they grow, they will become more and more of the "mama's boy" type as their fears and anxieties are soothed by mainly us and they find such joy in interacting with us. I believe that when they are grown men, no matter how independent they turn out to be, they will love us more than ever and make up for these dark days we are all enduring. I am starting to see it happen already, and it is soooo good. Keep the faith but cry when you feel the need...I DO!
This is the hardest thing I have ever been through, but it is nice to know someone feels the EXACT same thing. Being a little ahead of you, maybe I can tell you what's just around the corner.
I love you!
I'm with ya, sista! It's amazing how much we love these kids and they don't even notice we're not around. I know it all catches up - we'll be soothing new moms with WS kids when our are older and past this stage.
I have noticed little things that I would have passed off with my older son... like Brady never sleeps with my mother. He waits til I'm there, gets nestled in then crashes . (Either he feels some connection or I am very boring and he'd rather nap than hang with me!) Something like that with Michael I would have just blown it off, but with Brady I read into everything to give me a little comfort. :)
Seriously though, think about it... there probably are little things here and there that link these kids to us. In the meantime, cry away... we were probably crying at the same time :)
Love you- K
We all need a good cry every now and then. Trust me, Aspen, Daven knows you're his momma. And he loves you so much, and he does notice when you're gone. Maybe he just doesn't show it. Read this post again after he throws a huge temper tantrum because you're trying to leave him!!
Hey moms, please don't think that our kids don't (or don't want to) notice that we are around them or not! I beleive that they love us so much!!!! :)
As they getting older they can show better and better their emotions! Szabi couldn't be an exception... he is a very 'mommied' little boy, sometimes tooooo much, he cries every time when leave him, nowadays he usually starts to cry when I say that someone will leave us, for example yesterday we met my brother on the street and he promised that he'll come back to us with her daughters in half an hour and said to Szabi that he has to go but will be back soon... to this words Szabi started to cry and looked in tears when my brother went away, and only after a few minutes he calmed down...
Maybe it is because I was with him when his dad worked in Kosovo for a long time?
So, please don't be sure that the kids don't notice you just they don't smile or cry!!!!
Love, Kati
Oh boy, we all have the boo hoos. I just sat with my boss and she was all teared up over her 6 y/o who is having problems. Dear Lord, please up us all! What are you doing to us mommies?
Well, I can assure you, unannounced tears come for all women...not just those with disabled children. I'll burst into tears quite frequently for no apparent reason! It's the most frustrating thing. But don't frett my pet, Daven loves you...I know it...I've seen it. So cry anytime you want.
Oh...and I love you too.