I have always called my little man…Tater Gator. When the Halloween season started to roll around, it hit me that he had to be a Gator for Halloween. So the race was on to find the perfect Halloween Gator costume. After many online searches resulting in only Gator Mascot costumes…I started to get worried. Then finally, I found the perfect one!

We had a small Halloween event here at the College on Saturday morning. Daven was a bit grumpy so I wasn’t sure how the whole costume thing was going to be…but he did great! It was so funny watching him with it on! It was like he wasn’t even fazed by it and just “went along for the ride.”

We will be putting the costume back on for one more outing tonight. A small Trick or Treating session to GranZ and PapaT’s house, Monga and Ponga’s house, and to see a few other close friends. It is predicted to be pretty cold tonight, so I am sure we won’t be venturing out too late. So, without further ado….drum roll please…I present to you my little TATER GATOR! [insert grunt, hiss, or roar – whatever sound an alligator makes here] GOOOO GATORS!

Cavities anyone?

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Let me start off by saying Happy Monday to you all. Not that I am having a good Monday particularly, but my wish is for you to have a good Monday. Anywho.

Our weekend was pretty busy. We spent a quick minute or two at the College’s Halloween Carnival. Daven was SO CUTE! I will be showing off those pictures tomorrow for the official HAPPY HALLOWEEN post. (insert evil Halloween laugh here)

Friday night we ended up running out to get a few rentals so we could spend the evening together. The movie was okay at best, but the night was fantastic. We built our first official fire of the season. It wasn’t all that cold outside, but Logan thought it would add to the ambiance of the evening. It did! The best part about the fire, however, was Daven’s reaction to it.

He LOVED that fire. He crawled up to the fireplace as close we would allow and just wanted to sit and watch. His eyes were glued to that fireplace. He was fascinated by every part of it. When he would hear the wood pop and crack, he would jump slightly and then turn to look at us with a huge smile on his face. It was so precious just watching him watch the fire.

I do however see the negative in all this. I highly anticipate fighting to keep him OUT of the fireplace all winter long. We have an extra gate over the fireplace, but I know how sneaky he can be…we will have to keep our eyes pealed for those little fingers trying to reach for the fire. Scary to even think about!

♪♪ Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…

LOVE LOVE LOVE

I was sitting in front of a co-workers desk this afternoon and noticed some great Halloween finger puppets. So I proceeded to try them on. As I did Sarah (the co-worker) remembered a specific scene when Autumn did the exact thing and they snapped a picture. After we laughed about it…we knew, it was a must to take my picture in the same pose.

Ta…dah!! I am ashamed to admit, my picture is much scarier than Autumn’s. Hump! (Must be the dark makeup.) I did however, have my festive holloween shirt to top off the beautiful experience.

So all this to say, I'm not exactly why we took these pictures, but almost a year to the date Autumn and I were at the exact same spot doing the exact same thing. Ah, that sisterly connection will never go away. No matter how many miles may separate us. I love you Autumn! Here’s to you…

Autumn in October 2005

Me in October 2006

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Could it be possible for the “Hello” to be just as painful as the “Goodbye?” Yesterday, I finally saw GrandPa and GrandMama’s car pull into the driveway carrying my precious Daven. I was so excited I could hardly stand it. As I rushed out to the car, they were pulling him out of his car seat. I ran back to help them inside and as they pulled the blanket off, shielding his face from the bitter cold wind…I finally saw the face that I had missed so much!

I instantly started talking to him and telling how him much I missed him, only to get a blank stare and zero reaction whatsoever. As I put my hands out to reach for him, he simply looked at me like “can I help you?” After I had to grab him away (he certainly wasn’t just going to come to me) he then looked down and saw a few toys. After that, he squirmed and wiggled his way out of my arms so he could get to those toys.

I try not to take it too personal, but it is so hard. I am his mother…how is it possible that he doesn’t know his own mom? Does he know me, but simply doesn’t want to have anything to do with me? There are so many variables with Daven, he could have been sleepy, he could have been so anxious to just get down crawl around after being strapped in the car seat, he could have been mad that I left him in the first place…I will never know.

I can only hold on to the dreams of someday…having him run to me saying how much he missed me and loves me more than anyone else. Ah, someday.

On another note. Logan and I did get to go out and have a nice dinner with some friends. Here we are happy as can be to be eating out enjoying a nice quiet dinner and conversation with our friends. That is hard to come by when Daven is actually with us. He is always so restless and anxious in restaurants that we always spend the majority of dinner trying to keep him calm. It was nice to have adult conversation without having to manage Daven at the same time.

Rumor has it as well, that Daven is on the verge of actually saying “HI.” I have heard him once when prompted to say Hi. GrandPa and GrandMama insist that he said Hi to three different people. This is exciting and I know Daven’s language skills are literally on the tip of his tongue. Maybe soon, I will be reporting back that Daven is officially TALKING. I have a sneaking sensation that it will be soon.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

This past weekend, Logan, Daven and I tried to surprise Logan’s family by going to see them in Oklahoma. (Yes, yet again…more road traveling!) We made it to Oklahoma by about 7:00 pm in huge surprise fashion. Daven’s GrandPa and GrandMama couldn’t have been any happier to see him. And I think he felt the same. They sat and played on the floor with him, while bringing more and more new toys out for him to play with. He was loving every minute of it. We also, of course, got to show off all his new tricks! Those grandparents love new tricks! Daven’s Uncle Billy and Aunt Shayla were also surprised. They too seemed to bring more and more toys out for Daven to play with. Aunt Shayla also got to rock him to sleep while giving him as many hugs and snuggles as she possibly could.

Logan’s parents have been asking to keep Daven for quite some time now. So after many discussions we finally decided that maybe now would be a good time for Daven to stay a few days. After we had an amazing weekend spending lots of quality time with his family we packed our bags to go home. Except this time, we packed Daven a separate bag to stay. After we left instructions on medication, bottle making, emergency contact information, and repeated once more NO MILK…we said our good byes and were off.

Never in my life have I felt such a sense of pain in my chest. I have left Daven many times with my mom but I have never felt the sense of gasping for air. Maybe because it is my mom, maybe because she keeps him on a daily basis, maybe because last time I left for DC Logan was also around. I simply don’t know. But what I do know, is that I have never felt such a heaviness on my chest. I cried the majority of the way home but have only cried once or twice since then.

I have absolute faith in Daven’s GrandPa and GrandMama. I don’t question their parenting or nurturing skills for one second, I think my heart simply aches from missing him so much. The time that Daven is now sharing with his grandparents is such a special time for them both. I am thrilled that we are close enough to make that possible. Daven is so lucky to have both sets of grandparents love him so much! He needs to share as much time with them both as possible.

The plan as of today, is to have them drive Daven home tomorrow. (Wednesday) I know, without a doubt, that I can make it through one more day. Logan and I are going to try and have a date night tonight. Enjoy the time while we can, which I am looking forward to. We don’t get to do that often, so when we do…we try to make the best out of the time we have.

The aching my heart is feeling now, is only natural for a mother to feel. I am sure by the end of his stay, GrandPa and GrandMama are going to be sick of me calling and checking up. HA!

My Sacrifice by Creed

When you are with me
I’m free, I’m careless
I believe
Above all the others
We’ll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes
My sacrifice

We’ve seen our share
Of ups and downs
Oh, how quickly life
Can turn around
In an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and
Within your mind
Let’s find peace there

‘Cause when you are with me
I’m free, I’m careless
I believe
Above all the others
We’ll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes
My sacrifice

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Daven and I have been busy singing many songs over the past few months. He simply sits on my lap and watches my mouth, hands making the motions, and of course listens to my horrific voice as I belt out songs.

His latest favorite has been Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes. We have a list of so many that we sing, but this song is sure to bring a smile on his face. Here he is as I point out where his mouth is. He always loves to move his mouth down trying to touch my fingers with his tongue while I am pointing out “and eyes, and ears, and MOUTH, and nose…”

I am hoping that some day, he will be able to sing so many of these songs along with me. ABC’s, Itsy Bitsy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle, Row Row Row Your Boat, Jesus Loves Me, Patty Cake, and so many others.

I encourage all moms of Williams Syndrome children to sing with your child. For that matter, sing with ALL your children. They don’t care how horrible that voice is. (Not until they are old enough to tell you at least!) WS children obviously gravitate to music so use that to your advantage. Take a few minutes out of your busy schedules to sing. Consider it an extra therapy session. Speech therapy helping their language skills.

I am not trying to toot my own horn here in anyway. I just wanted to show off these precious pictures of Daven and me as we sing our little hearts out.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

We had an amazing weekend in Denver. Daven was a champ through all the commotion and loved playing with Tia. Once Auntie Autumn got there, he looked at her and with bright eyes gave her a huge smile and reached for her. I know he was saying “Where’ve you been all my life?” (I’ve looked for you forever and a day. Where’ve you been…I’m just not myself when you’re away.) It was so great to see him light up. He knew exactly who she was and just wanted to be with her. Once we started making our way to the hotel room, Autumn was talking to everyone (while holding Daven) and explaining how her flight and trip was. He then grabbed her face and moved it so she was looking at Daven again and just smiled and kissed her. Very precious moments!

When time is spent with my family like this weekend, I am reminded how lucky I am to have such a supportive and loving family. We didn’t do anything spectacular, we didn’t go out and have big parties; we simply hung out (in the hotel room) and enjoyed each others company. That has to say something about our love for each other.

Auntie Autumn got all the Daven and Tia and Raney time she wanted. He did show her all his new tricks and Autumn was as excited to see them as Daven was to show her. There aren’t many things that rank higher on Autumn’s priority list than Daven time. I was so happy to see him love on her as much as he did. He knew that his time with her was limited…so he took every chance he could to just look at her face. Here they are enjoying every minute of the day together.

It was great to see her and I only cried from Denver to Colorado Springs. Pretty good I thought.

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU ALREADY! Christmas is coming soon…

LOVE LOVE LOVE

As I sit down and have my morning coffee and read all of my girlfriends’ blogs, I started to feel so emotional. I already have such a deep emotional connection with all of these amazing women and their children that when I read about growth, I swell with pride! I just want to yell it from the mountain tops "Hey, have you heard…"

Tatum, itty bitty Tatum, just got up on all fours! She will be sitting up and cruising along very soon!

Brady turns 1 today! What a year it has been for Brady and Kerry and the rest of the family!

Avery officially says “HIIIEEE,” to all the people close by. She has also started to put objects “in” the bucket. (Amy, can you and Avery teach Daven to do that?)

Erik just had his second birthday and is starting to break out of his shell. And now with his new braces, seems to be walking better as well.

Along with these growth spurts, there are so many more I haven’t mentioned. I am fighting the temptation this morning to literally tell everyone I see about all the changes we are seeing in our precious angels. I know every child has huge milestones such as these, but it seems to be more special when it happens to a child with WS.

I love you all and thank you for your friendship. I am honored to be in this special group.

We are headed off to Colorado! Just can’t wait.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Yes, in 44 hours or less, I will once again be reunited with my long lost sister. Okay so that was a little dramatic. But this has been the longest that Auntie Autumn and I have ever been apart. 10 weeks to be exact. She is flying into Denver to see new Baby Raney and the rest of the family. Naturally, I couldn’t imagine her being this close without driving to meet her. So we are once again headed off for a road trip.

I am starting to get this packing thing down. (Note to self: it is COLD in Colorado!) I know the essentials and quick tips to cram baby loot into small spaces. We will be headed out by midday tomorrow and headed back late Sunday. Total time spent with Autumn will be about 24 hours. Driving 16 hours (round trip) is a small price to pay to see her.

I am also excited about showing off Daven and all his new “tricks!” Let’s just hope that he does some of those tricks for her. Such as standing up and crawling. Daven is so unpredictable when or if he does these things. I know he always looks up at me as if to say “I AM NOT YOUR CIRCUS FREAK, MOM!” I am just so excited about his growth that I want to show it off to everybody!

It has been a quiet week. Logan and I have been busy trying to help with PapaT and GranZ’s remodeling project. We spent the evening with them last night painting and painting. With my messy painting style…I was covered from head to toe in paint. Luckily it seemed to wash off fairly easily with only minor scrubbing.

This week I also got to see an old friend that was in town for a few days. She has been one of my BFF’s since way back in our high school days. We haven’t seen each other since before Daven was diagnosed. I think we both understand that we are truly two different people now, but there will always be a deep connection between us. Here is Daven playing with her daughter Abbi. I have loved Abbi since she was born and it was amazing to see her as such a grown up girl. (Almost 4 now!) Daven seemed to love playing with her. I think he was born with a flirting gene, because that boy sure can flirt with all the beautiful girls! (Notice how he is leaning in for her kiss!)

I hope everyone is having a great week!

LOVE LOVE LOVE

I LOVE YOU DATEN TATE!

LOVE LOVE LOVE

I have felt it coming for almost a week now. It has been a while since I had one last and knew that I was due. Yes, I had one of so many melt downs last night. I spent the evening with Micah and Luke; I was using her for her DVR and its recording of Grey’s Anatomy. The evening was smashing. Great dinner, great girl talk, great loves from Luke, and a perfectly fantastic show. I left feeling happy and satisfied.

This particular cry-fest didn’t hit me until I got home. Logan and Daven were both fast asleep in the recliner. I should have taken a picture, but I couldn’t seem to move. How could such a beautiful site, make me feel so sad? After I picked Daven up and curled him in my arms my melt down started to surface. I slowly put him in bed, kissed him goodnight, and walked back to Logan with tear filled eyes.

WHAM, there it was. No time to try and push it away. I simply sat and cried with Logan for almost an hour. I had watched Luke all evening cling to his momma and when I got home I observed (like so many times before) Daven hadn’t even noticed I was gone.

Other moms of Williams Syndrome children may have felt this before, when your child seems to have no care or concern if the “mom” is around or not. Logan tried to point out to me that Daven is just learning to communicate with us and show his emotions. I can even get a smile out of him when I pick him up after work, but only once in a blue moon. There just simply seems to be no connection between Daven and “his momma.” There are so many heartaches that come with a WS diagnosis, but for me…this seems to be one of the hardest for me to swallow. I know deep down inside Daven knows who I am and thrives to be by my side, he just doesn’t know how to express it yet.

After I filled a box of Kleenex with my tears, I started to feel my anxiety fade away. Something about a good cry always seems to give me a new burst of energy. I think EVERY woman can agree with me. A good cry always seems to help.

My series of melt downs are farther and farther apart now. However, I do expect to have a few good cries every so often.

The weekend has finally arrived! Get out and enjoy it.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

I took these great pictures last night as Daven was yet again, attempting to crawl. He was trying to get to me because he knew I was running his bath. He just loves his baths and was ready to jump on in!

As far as crawling goes, it has been a slow learning process for Daven. He is like (as Auntie Autumn says) slow and jerky like a newborn kitten just learning to walk. The movements are uncoordinated, erratic, and inconsistent. You can see in his eyes that he is concentrating so hard on what he has to do, all he lacks is sticking that tongue out as far as it will go.

On another note, this is officially my 100th post. Wow, that is a lot of talking on my part. I have to admit that I never thought (100 posts earlier) that I would ever be writing to say that Daven was crawling. Now only 100 more posts to go before hopefully I can announce that Daven is talking.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Sorry for the delay in posting. I have been so scatter brained lately, that I didn’t even know where to begin putting my thoughts down in words. I had an amazing weekend with my husband and Daven. Logan and I spent Friday evening pushing Daven to crawl as hard as we thought he could handle. Once we thought he had enough, we put him down to try one final time. And before we knew it…Daven was crawling! He officially crawled about 4 feet. We ended up coaxing him with his bed time bottle. He was ready for bed and ready for that bottle, so he knew he had to crawl and get it!

As I was watching him, I could feel every single emotion run though my body. I instantly got hot and my face went red trying to hold back the tears that I knew were just below the surface. I was so physically motionless just watching in awe, that I didn’t even grab the camera. I held myself together until I crawled into bed myself. Then the tears poured down my face as I relayed the images in my head over and over.

What a joy to see that I never thought possible! Granted, it is a very jerky and raw crawl, but it is a crawl. He knows what he has to do and he knows how to do it. He is simply trying to get his weak body strong enough to handle the movements of crawling. After Friday evening, we haven’t seen much improvement in his crawling skills yet. Last night he did crawl and shimmy his way to they toys he wanted, they weren’t however but a foot or two away. I am still counting it as crawling! I call it the Turtle Crawl. Slow and steady.

On Saturday, we went to help the local University celebrate Homecoming by watching the parade and going to the football game. I was really worried and almost sick thinking of how Daven would the sights and sounds that come with a parade. He did wonderfully! The sirens didn’t bother his ears one bit! At one point a giant red fire truck blew a horn and Logan and I both jumped. I knew in my gut that Daven was about to FREAK out. I reluctantly peaked in his stroller and he had a grin on his face from ear to ear! We didn’t take him to the game however I knew that would be too much for my little man. So he stayed and played with GranZ and PapaT while Logan and I went to cheer the team on.

And finally, Sunday we all went to church. PapaT was the preacher on this specific Sunday…so it made the day even more special. We Love you PapaT and are so proud of you!

Logan still hasn’t heard from any jobs yet. We have however put things a bit on hold. He is currently helping my parents remodel their house a bit. So he has been super busy with that. It is going to be great when it is all said and done! We keep joking that on HGTV they never show the “in between” stage. Always the before and after pictures…but never that in between stage. When it gets worse before it gets better. HA! Logan sure has made a mess, I hope he knows what he is doing.

Happy week to you all!

LOVE LOVE LOVE